Total Eclipse of the Heart;

10:20 PM

Dear Diary,

Xiao Gua having mood swing now..

One evening 3 weeks back, i had a good chat with our collaboration partner..I was confident enough to speak well and convinced them. Even my boss praised my proposal of promotion was done well..I had been dealing with them through mail and phone, but hardly meet them up. This was the first time i went for a meeting with boss, moreover it was requested by our partner.Though it wasnt a very big project and it might not bring in high revenue, but it is a new thing. To me, what i am concern is the productivity not the revenue (ofcz, i m not the boss..)It reflects my capability. Im proud to say, this isnt my field, but i might have done it even better than any of marketing staff in the office!

This issue brought up my interest in marketing planning at that moment.It just look bit like the research that i have been doing for psy. Research, predict, and conduct. Not too much different.

3 weeks later, this week, i am having a bad week. Inside and outside. At home, too many stressful things happened, i feel very helpless. I cant do much, beside staying next to them, be prepared to help them out whenever they need me. Seeing parents worrying and upset i feel very helpless.Why i am the one only who can feel and understand them. Why not the rest? I wish i can tell them how much i love them, please care for me instead of people who keep hurting you..

Back to my work..haiz..haiz..i m loosing spirit working here..

who care.

6:38 PM

who care.

11:07 PM

My Dear Diary,

It has been a while since my last thoughtful write up.

For the past week, been scratching head to figure out my interest in career. I don't like what i m up to now. As i feel i can work so much better and more than what i am doing now. I need a better workplace learning environment. When task is given, i dont see much opportunity is available here to understand the whole process. Maybe the big problem i m facing now is limited supervision? Im lack of guidance and direction. Another thing is, i have a strong desire to learn but working here i only take orders, it makes me losing the desire to learn as time goes by and also my desire to contribute is lost. Maybe what i am facing now is what people call the downward spiral?Sadly said, i finaly crawl out frm the downward spiral in the life of relationship but i jump into another worry, which is my job..

who care.

11:01 PM

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry,no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry,no.
You're not sorry,no

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

who care.